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A window into the shadows

It has become in my head: a window open that slips past the other. And I'm very satisfied.

The past belongs to us. Nothing is as much ours as what we have lived. And there's something terrible to think that because of my gift, the past of others are exposed to my gaze.

's not my fault, of course, I can not help it. But I do not like. Yesterday Tara grabbed my arm and saw arguing with his mother. Mom hugged me and I saw her walking in Paris with my father (before father jerk back, of course). Victor brushed past me and saw a sad boy packing a suitcase.

Victor.

I had promised not to about it, much less to write. I had promised myself not to think of Victor, Victor does not remember.

course this is not my fault, right?

I can not help it. Neither Victor nor visions.

Fortunately, I have not seen anything very private. Only domestic scenes, things of no importance. But I wonder what the day will change that.

The day you see something else.

Something nobody should have seen.

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Tara's mother passed

was how I learned the reason why Tara's mother seems to be always sad.

I found it gave me an arm. It seems silly right? I hugged my head and saw something I could not understand, or at least not immediately.

saw Tara's mother wept in despair, as if it were the most miserable person in the world, as if nothing mattered more than their tears and despair.

That did not last long, fortunately. But it was so clear, so real that the heart almost stops me and I turned pale as the wall. I had to get into the bathroom and wash with cold water. By the way, a tip: to reassure, that the pulse returns to its place, nothing like dropping cold water on the wrists. It's very strange but it serves to slow the heart.

And that's what I did while from the other side of the door, Tara asked me if I was okay. Meet

well. Ya. Is that it is relative.

not mention anything to anyone. Neither my mother, or Tara. I ate two of them trying to pay attention to what they had, although I was constantly head wing scene he had seen inside me.

Then when I went to leave, I noticed a picture on Tara's mother, much younger, holding in her arms a baby cute and chubby.

- Is it you? - I asked Tara
- No - replied - my sister.
- And where is he now?
- Nowhere. He died fourteen years ago, shortly after I was born.

foulbrood So that was it seen, to a mother who had lost her daughter.

Melanoma And Leg Pain

View

Bline Nieva, as siempre.Estoy alone in my room as the wind blows outside and the flakes are crashing against the window of this fairytale house where I live now.

I have many things in my head. A Victor, of course. But not only him.

Because the problems arise when we least expect. And above all, the last place you expect to find them.

I know I'm not very explicit, but this is all I can tell.

When I was little, dreaming of seeing the future. See what would happen to me or other people. Able to prevent disasters, for example. Warn of the possibility of an accident, a disaster, anything that could harm someone.

Of the entire list of superpowers, none seemed as useful as you can see the future.

But I never thought about what would happen if suddenly acquired the ability to see the past. But not mine. That of others. Having an open window into the shadows of others. In the darkest secrets. In that part of memory that we all prefer to stay asleep.

Not all things that have happened should be remembered. And above all, many of them should not ever be known by someone other than ourselves. Would you like a stranger could one day put your nose in your memories?

Well, I've realized that I can.

Alexandre Oriol My name is Valeria and I just realized that I can see the past of others only to touch them.

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Things I do not understand

not feel like I talk about it much, but since I have started to happen to Bline things I do not understand. Weird things that make you uneasy.

I guess I'll finish writing about them, but for now I have no desire. First I need to sort my ideas. Then, I guess, I do not mind sharing with someone else, because the moment I'm keeping all to myself.

not stop snowing here. It's cold. I did not think I could do both, really. Fortunately, the whole town seems to be preparardo for low temperatures. Otherwise, we would become all freezer products.

I'm happy in the Institute. People, I told the first day, the sea is nice. I have been phenomenal. Now I have joined the study group Tara and her friends.

What is that study group? I also asked what the first time. It is here people study in groups, each of which is someone who is good at a certain subject. I am strengthening math. Once a week, sometimes even more, we gathered in a house to study together and resolve all doubts.

I'm not sure that the system convinced me. I've always preferred to study alone. I was not very good at working with more people, and as to what to explain ... I know, and I'll lose my patience when I have to clarify a doubt and I do not understand the first. But you know what they say: When in Rome, do as the Romans.

Anyway, continue counting. And they explain everything in such etender start things at the moment, drawn in my mind a question.

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Tara told me that Victor and she rolled last year. For good. To me, the truth, like me. It's up to those two right? Tara I hardly know her. As for Victor ... well, I still do not know less than Tara. And I give a shit rolls that are brought to one and another.

I follow my process of adaptation to Bline. And I'm getting used to the extreme cold of this village. And I complained about it does in the mountains! This is another thing, I tell you.

On the other hand, I have to admit it's nice. The snow, and all that. The firs, as white under weight of ice. Icicles. The potted poinsettias still hang from the lampposts, but that ended long ago Christmas. Slate roofs. And the stone houses, all alike.

all the same, yes.

And that's something that just will not like it. This uniformity, in this town, it gives the impression that all resemble each other.

That makes me feel like a foreign element. Although I am not the only Victor's not like the others. I realize that when someone makes a joke and everyone laughs at the same time, only Victor and I were as cut. As if we understood what makes them so funny to others. Today, when everyone was roaring with nonsense had said Toño, Victor and I stood silent and stared.

Victor.

Tara's crazy about Victor. And Tara is my friend.

So it should start to look the other way. As much as I keep drawing me in the eyes of Victor.

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Victor has the bluest eyes I've seen in my life. Eyes are rare. With light snow appear gray, but then have a weird dark color. Is high. And with broad shoulders. Tara says she makes a lot of sports. That must be why.

is a weird guy. Teases everyone, or so it seems. And, as said continuously likes to go to air. In this we are alike, I guess. Neither do I find it funny to handle.

Victor has a very nice smile, perfect teeth. It looks like a toothpaste ad or something así.O an orthodontic company: "Trust us and will remain so."

He's my age, but when it seems more serious. And sometimes it feels that a secret. A secret that is not willing to share with anyone. That seems difficult Bline. But did not we all have our secrets right?

Victor has dark brown hair. Beautiful hair and very bright. Tara says she also is very smooth. She will know, I say.
Victor
looked me in the eye. So I know that he has the strangest eyes of the world.

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Today I started at my new school. It is two and a half and I have escaped to a computer to tell you a little around here.

Tara, which is very good girl, I picked up today at home at quarter to nine to accompany me on my first day. I thanked him very much, because it is difficult to start alone in a new site. So Tara vinoconmigo and introduced me to my new teammates.

I can not remember the names of everyone, but I can say that I showed more sympathy in five minutes than my former colleagues in five months. Seem cheerful and happy: it is clear that they like to live here. And that gives me hope. Hope that maybe someday I am in Bline as well as seem to find them.

Teachers also seem nice. They welcomed me with great kindness. It's as if everyone is concerned about my state. You will say I'm weird - well, actually I am - but that attitude just does not like it. The truth, would prefer to forget me. Leave me a bit that my air. Which is not to say no thank you worry about me.

institute food is great, really. And to make matters worse, break time we serve hot chocolate and some biscuits very rich. Amazing is not it? Tara explained that it is only in the winter to prevent the cold months we have to go out for a drink during the break.

And I realize that I do not know whether deliberately or not, I left Victor for the final. Because, after Tara give me the can with him, I finally met.

But I will not talk about it ahora.Son almost three. And it's back to class.

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Yesterday I spent the afternoon at the home of Tara. It was fun, mostly because it was weeks since he spent a long time with someone my age. We

sandwiches and hot chocolate. I never liked chocolate, but it happens that with the cold and snow, much more fancy. Tara says her mother always prepared a pitcher of chocolate for when she arrives. Tara's mother takes care of a lot. I think sometimes too.

Tara and her parents separated for centuries. That, I suppose, a bit closer to me. He says he has overcome. I was very young when it happened, and wearing it well. I think he does not see much to his father, who also lives in Bline and has a mountain clothing store. Tara

hablódel me boy she likes. His name is Victor. Victor Bicand. According to her, is the cutest boy in the whole Institute. Of all the people. Worldwide. Victor. Jump to view that is cast by him. According to Tara, not only is delicious; itplayed above is listísimo, super nice and do not know how many more. I guess

exaggerated. But I exaggerate when talking about J. That's what happens when you're in love, or believe to be.

An evening of gossip, sandwiches and hot chocolate.

can seem silly, but I enjoyed it after all these months. I have the feeling that I am a normal person again.

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A new friend Victor

I think I have a friend. Tara and is called a co hijade my mother in the power plant. Tara is my age. We will be together in class when start at the College, which is closed until Monday because of the snowstorm.

Tara is nice. I met her at her home, her mother invited us to dinner at my mother and me the first day or our stay in Bline. A detail. Tara's mother is a kind woman and sad. What's sad I do not mean to say long ago something terrible happened, though that'll tell you another day.

I was talking about Tara. It has been very affectionate with me. I spoke delpueblo, the classmates, teachers ... seems very happy here. He says all the guys get along very well, making weekend plans, which to study together.

To me, the truth, so collectivization of thing makes me a bit of bad feeling. In a personality test we did at school - and, incidentally, took a gander pasta - the psychologist said I was too individualistic. I was tempted to reply that did not need my parents to spend a fortune to find it. I'm going for free almost since birth.

So when Tara was telling me about all the activities done in groups, the team study days, excursions and barbecues, not sure what to think.

But I'm on the other side of the country. He left behind many things, and started a new life here in the snow Blin.

Perhaps it's time to be a little more ... a little more open. More communicative.

Tara wants to be my friend. And I need a bit of affection from people my age, so ... Why not?

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The people in the snow just arrived

The man was called Lauro. Is a co-worker of my mother who had come to fetch us to teach our new home.

Lauro is friendly, sympathetic, talkative. Always smiling, but the smile is left in the mouth, without reaching the eyes. I do not know why, but I do not like, although that was very affectionate and very concerned about making us feel good. What

I do like is the house they have rented the plant for us. A fantastic house, really. I do not know if you remember that I had said I imagined it would be an apartment rather cutrcillo. Well I was wrong from medium to medium: it is a beautiful chalet with fireplace, windows everywhere, a very good heating and lots of light.

My room is also lovely. Nothing cheesy. I was afraid that I had been awarded uncuarto full of pink ribbons and tacky like that, but have not done anything like that. As put my things will be fine. Even better than my room in Madrid.

Now it is snowing very hard. I had never visto nevar así. Parece que la nevada fuera a tragarse el pueblo entero. ¿Os lo imagináis? Toda una pequeña ciudad desapareciendo debajo de la nieve, y la gente preguntándose qué ha sido de Bline y de sus habitantes.

Últimamente tengo la imaginación un poco desparramada. Y no sé por qué.

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Escribo este post en el coche, desde mi iphone, así que perdonad si hay faltas. Acabamos de llegar a Bline y quiero compartir mis primeras impresiones.

Hace mucho frío. Veo un termómetro que marca seis grados bajo cero. Ha nevado mucho, pero la calzada está limpia y circulamos sin problemas. Ahora la nieve cae muy despacio. Ya es de noche, pero with both blacno around, there is some clarity.

Bline. It seems a quiet and nice. And suddenly occurs to me that it is too nice and too quiet. We have just passed a sign saying "Welcome to Bline, the people happy."

A people happy. Is Aesop Is there somewhere in the world as well? What if this? Ysi "I came to stop a great place?

Now it snows a little stronger, andthe flakes crash into the windscreen. Mom looks tired. Has led all day. We talked a lot during the trip. I know that she likes to give the talk while driving.

We just stand in front of the station. Mom says someone will pick qe, but do not see anyone. Everything is deserted. To the gas station seems closed. The wind blows up in swirling snowflakes.

I flinch when the face of a man parked in my glass

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Making gifts of kings suitcases

Tomorrow we're going to Bline.

all day yesterday I was packing things. I hate packing. I hate to order. However, time could not be sta escaqueame was my life that had to pack up.

Our house looks like a battlefield: there is stuff everywhere. My mother goes from one place to another in a foul mood, giving instructions to the movers, preparing everything will stay in storage and that we're going to take us to our new home.

In Bline, the company I will work my mother has rented a furnished house. We have no idea how it will be - the truth is that they may have sent some pictures right? Nor is it so hard ... - But do not know why I fear it will not be anything special. In fact, I imagine one of those horrible beach apartments with cheap furniture and plywood Duralex cups in the kitchen. Hate

Duralex vessels, it is clear. For me the ban worldwide.

As I said, I've thrown almost everything, teddy bears, dolls, toys. Clothes that I had become too small and not know why was accumulated in the closet. Horrible decorations retained for some reason. Travel memories.

The things I care about I packed with care to take him Bline: my clothes, some CD's, books, gifts of kings ... little more, really. Digging

found a photo album: Dad, Mom and I on our vacation. Silvia and I camp and hike with the school. With J. at a party ...

is a curious feeling to think that they are images that can no longer be repeated. Moments belonging to a past that is lost forever. In places where it is impossible to return.

I hesitated about what to do with this album. Should I take him with me? Was it preferable to get rid of it? It was an easy decision. In one way or another, the album symbolizes my life until now, or rather to the moment when everything went bad and had to start again. Now, Mom says that this move to Bline is the opportunity that she and I need to rebuild our lives.

rebuild my life ... yes, of course. Recomenzaré. But I want to keep in mind the person I was. Remember my last, but with the desire to overcome it.

My past is in the photo album. No, I do not throw it away. But neither I will take with me.

I put him in one of the boxes destined for the repository. Perhaps, for some time, can return to see these photos without hurting myself.

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Like any child of divorce, this year I've had a great Christmas present: new jeans, new ipod, a new DVD player, new nike - purple, just that I wanted - a super fleece , goretex boots up to a hundred and fifty euros on gifts from my grandparents who are now beginning with the song not knowing what to buy and I prefer to give money. (And I was delighted, as I suppose you can)

My father came this morning to bring his gifts: a jacket with those then you do not wear for fear of streaking, a scarf with matching gloves, some books and high boots. I did not pay any attention to anything that had brought me, because in each of those gifts I saw the happy impression of Aunt Lou.

Then Mom asked me to leave the room because he wanted to talk to my father alone. If I did, but I stayed in the room next door with a glass against the wall. Surely you know the trick, and, of course, it is great to hear.

Mom told Dad that we would move. He had been offered work on a hydropower station in the Pyrenees, and that he had accepted. My father was like a beast, that as he had done so without consulting him, he could not take me so far, and blah, blah, blah.

Mom was great: he spoke quietly, calmly and quietly. He said it was a step we took her and me and, since he had been so timely to get out of house and leave us alone, did not see what right had now to seek sailing at the funeral.

way to talk, yes sir.

Total piramos us. Weigh anchor. We take the boat. We leave, go. Toward a mountain village left I guess the hand of God, but where nobody knows me and I will make life impossible. The Promised Land, go.

So I will give my last cerrojazo to start living again.

And I do not think about it now, I just looked and looked again my gifts of kings. The best gifts, the most generous I've had since I was a spoiled girl who carried the expensive toys.

And yet, these have been the saddest Christmas of my life. Good thing is over. Luckily

is about to begin another stage.

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Immature "I? New life

We will Bline.

The decision is made. Every time I think I get panic I have already repented and half a dozen times but ... but I always recognizing that out of here is the best thing that can happen.

Now we have to tell dad. Let's see how he reacts. My mother has them all along: "You'll see how is going to be your father."

Well, what is for me, that you as he pleases. If he had not been getting out of home for good, none of this had happened. But he goes to his ball. So now that nose complain.

I have already started to pack my things. I'll throw a good part of everything I've saved over the years. I think sometimes the objects tie us to the past so ... New Year, new life. The garbage truck will need plenty of extra space.

In another vein, I found a twitter message in which someone described as "immature." I froze. Immature. Then go ...

Why assume that I am? How to feel miserable all the things that have happened? Why be confused, disoriented and depressed? Why feel alone perhaps? I can not help that. And above all, do not think I should. Are my feelings. Immature

. Many people have constantly that word in the mouth. Described as immature to anyone who does not act according to what they consider to be right. But what is maturity? And above all is it a quality due to someone my age? To a teenager?

What is to be mature? Can be at sixteen? Does not it seem absurd to ask someone who has not met the seventeen act, think and speak as if he had forty?

I'm not an immature girl. I am a very young girl. A girl who has much to live, learn, understand. Someone who has many more questions than answers. Someone who feels unable to understand everything that happens. Someone still has to learn before we do that we call "mature."

I know that time will come. Meanwhile, only aspire to weather the storm without hurting ... or, rather, without hurting those around me.

What you think about?

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Tonight I could not sleep a wink. And, if I say no wonder, give me the reason when you know why.

did not elaborate on the last night of the year, because it was depressing, depressing, depressing. My mother, my grandparents and I pretending we were very pleased to release 2011. What a nonsense.

The day we had a single mom and me, pecking at the remains of the meal - my grandmother had brought food to feed an entire school - and watching bad movies on TV. And when night came, my mother told me I had they talk to me.

I started to shake, of course. Such solemnity can not be good. If one wants to say something it says, period. When preparing the ground well, bad. So I sat in front of my mother with the feeling that he prepared well.

- Valeria ... How about if we moved?
- What's new home in the other urban?

(Silvia But if I had already located there and was busy preparing the ground to make my life a shit?)

- No. .. a little further. In fact, outside of Madrid

(Uppps)

- Where, exactly?
- Al Pyrenees. A village mountain.
(A mountain village? So desperate But I see my mother who wants to take the ass of the world?)

- I do not know ... Is there running water in this village?

(My mother laughed the question. I do not seem graciosa.Era be fixed as soon as the conditions of life that I had)

- Valeria! Of course. It is a beautiful place and well developed. There are good shops, cafes, shopping mall ... and a ski resort to twenty minutes. As lamovilidad recover in the leg. you can ski all weekend. There is also a great school ...

(OK, Mom. Put music and will be doing an advertising campaign of the people of yore)

- I do not know ... Why this place exactly?
- see, I've been offered a job ... a great job. More interesting and better paid than I have. It is in a hydroelectric plant. You know I've always been interested in clean energy issues ...

(Ya. And everything that has to do with the preservation of the environment happy. You should listen to my mother when I brush my teeth with the tap or let it run over losdeseable water from the shower. Not to mention gave everything to watch that we placed for solar panels on the roof of my house ...)

- ... is As I said, a good job. And above all, a great opportunity to start again.

(It was serious)

- Valeria, a long time that we are not happy. Neither you nor me. When that happens, it is good to consider a change. But the decision is taken. Up to you. Do not want to drag you to a place that does not want to go. I only ask you think about it.

(I stayed silent, staring at my mother, and I can not remember why I thought he loved her very much)

- How to tell the people called that?

- Bline

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year has just

has just been a tough year. You know why, so I prefer not to reopen the matter, repeating more than a frozen sausage.

not know what will happen in 2011. In fact, I guess nobody knows. I wish I could see the future. But that is not possible. The only thing is you can look back and you really interested in the past anyone?

I'm tired of thinking about the past, and so, when you take the last grapes, I'll wish: to erase forever the months that have left behind.

The only good thing that brought me these days is precisely this blog and all those who follow them: more than sixteen thousand, according to the counter. I think one pass.

Thank you, thank you for being there for these weeks as hard. Talking about what happened to me, how I felt, did everything a little easier.

And now ... then we'll see. I know that my mother prepares some - has spent the afternoon hanging the phone - but not tell me why. And I ... I do not know. I prefer to leave it she who speaks.

As for me, I just want to write the last post of the year to wish you the best in every way. I hope that 2011 is the year where all your dreams are fulfilled.

A hug for my virtual friends Valeria

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Other possibilities

Yesterday I spoke with my mother called Sylvia. He kept his eyes wide, of course.

- That girl is a bad bug. Should talk to your mother ...

(What was missing. My mother informer)

- Do not even think. It would not do ...

(Well, it would help anything. Riese To be a bit more than me)

Fortunately, I think I took the idea of \u200b\u200bthe head. Let's face it: Silvia had achieved their purpose of life miserable. The consolation prize for me was having destroyed the Vespino. No big deal, but better than nothing.

I already saw from the rest of my life with little sign of suicide, the rolling stone, the abandoned. A planazo, mine. And so I told my mother:

- I think wherever you go, I moved to the urban as it is, Simon will be able to find me and tell everybody who I am and everything that has happened. And the sooner you accept it, much better.

My mother looked at me very seriously. Then he sat down beside me and gave me a hug, but not one of those sticky hugs mother. It was like a friendly hug. Of older people.

- Do not throw in the towel, Valeria. There are other possibilities. Just leave me alone. I'll think of something, you'll see.

Other possibilities ... if my mother says ...

What do you think?

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And muuucho bad roll Christmas

See, I had yesterday, my mother is looking new home. I guess it's not a bad idea to move. Another house, another urban. And another school, of course. Another school where nobody knows me and not boys and girls constantly reminding the three months that bad.

After the surprise I told my mother that I was okay with the idea. Today spoke with the type of property, not even an hour it took to perform at home to price it and put it in your database.

So I guess it is: a chapter of my life in recent years is to be closed forever, but guess what I think is where he is about to open. Change is good right?

That's what I thought throughout the day. And I was thinking when my phone rang.

I nearly fell back to see that glowing screen name Silvia. Silvia, my old friend. Silvia, who made out with my boyfriend behind my back. Silvia, which promoted a campaign against me that made me condemn all kind of isolation. Silvia.

took some time to answer. I had to swallow and breathe deeply. When he finally did and I heard my friend exmejor I felt very strange.

"- Hello, Valeria"
"- Hello. Merry Christmas"

(This is what is said at this time right? Peace to men of good will, and all that ...)

"- I . How are you? "

(Do you really cared about me? It was a Christmas miracle or something?

"- Well. How about you?"
"- Okay. Although I have no Vespino you know? A crazy the coiled with the car before crashing into the wall of my parents. You probably know what I mean "

(Ay, ay, ay)

" - Silvia ... can not ...?
"- No. No we can do nothing. And know that I have not called to tell me your life. I know that you are moving "

(But hey ... what about this?" works in the CIA or something?)

" - And how did you hear? "
" - because a friend of my mother works in the real estate to your mother called today to sell your house and buy that of another urban in Majadahonda. "The Willows" right? "

(Mierda. Truth of the good. The urban to which my mother wanted so we moved is called.)

" _ I'm not sure "
" - Well, I did. Just want you to be clear that one of my cousins \u200b\u200blive there too. Colegio.Y go to talk to her I think that the boys of "The Willows" to welcome you deserve you "and hung

. And I stood there, phone in hand and they want me swallow the earth.

Silvia just derail my next opportunity

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chunnnngassss

This Christmas has been rather sad, as you can imagine. Came my grandparents, who were like a funeral, awaiting his daughter and granddaughter separate the alleged suicide. My grandmother sighed from time to time, and shook his head as dicendo "what a great misfortune has befallen our family!".

My grandfather was not so noticeable bad roll, but she also came.

Yesterday, it was Christmas, we ate with a friend of my mother and her husband, who is one of those guys who want to go at the end are funny and pathetic because they do more than the joke that nobody laughs .

Today, finally, we were alone Mom and me. And I prefer it: at least we got rid of long faces and seafaring Conas an idiot you should learn to shut up. We went to eat out, so taste the two, and then we walked away. Pozuelo mother left behind, and we went by car to Majadahonda. There I taught an urban. An urban

quite similar to ours: in Madrid, Urbas all resemble one another as if they were clones.
- What do you think, Valeria?
- PSCH ...

I said, there was not much to say.

- Remember I told you about a change of scenery?
- Aha ...
- Well, I'm thinking of moving to this development. There is a house for sale that is pretty well priced.
- What will happen to our house? He thought



- As the sell, I guess ... well, think we bought that house your father and me. It would be unfair to you and me we stopped to live there and that he had to rent an apartment. The logical thing is to sell and distribute the money.

Now it was me I was silent. So it was definitive: Mom and Dad were not going to be together anymore. All they had in common and I were home.

And the house was sold, and I saw me coming.

You might think I'm stupid, but I began to mourn.

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Change of scenery?

do not know what my mother means exactly that a change of air, but I can imagine.

A new home insurance. A different house, in other urban, where there are no bad memories or anything. And I do not feel bad. Not that I like the changes, but if we move to the other side of town that also mean a new school, which I would of pearls.

This morning came the physio and he said he was improving. I wanted to say, "Okay, now what are the good news?". Because once his leg heals completely, I do not open or a miracle of class.

I know that I put heavy amount of that item, but what would you do instead? "I would die of desire to return to a place where no one you expected? Where no one will want?

I know you are going to laugh at me but at first I thought that after my accident would change things. Silvia, even J., reconsider their attitude towards me.

That once knew who had been about to kill me, they would realize how unfair it had been me.

But none of that happened. I still do not receive visits or calls, or hear from the people who were my friends for many years.

why the change of scenery is not only a possibility but I need something deeper.